WHY I LOVE BOLLYWOOD (Part III)

Because it's funny!

Okay, I do not want to offend any actual desi's reading my blog. But we must all admit, melodrama in any color is funny, and if you have my sense of humor, it's funny when it's not supposed to be. That was the problem with Bride and Prejudice. How can you make a parody of something that's so pleasantly funny to begin with? It doesn't work. For the uninitiated, this is not to imply that ALL Bollywood-style films are unintentionally funny. (Khakee wasn't.) It is just to say that the following things are cause for humor:

• It seems all the houses are excessively drafty. How else would the wind begin to blow indoors, causing two lovers’ hair to billow as they make eye contact?
• Seemingly benign conversations burst into song. (Now, before you suggest that American musicals do the same thing, go watch My Fair Lady again! Typically, there is a slight transition, the character turns to the side, begins to reflect to himself, music begins softly in the background. Then, and only then, the song begins.)
• Bollywood stars are obscenely talented actors, dancers and sometimes singers, HOWEVER, if your character is supposed to be a musician I need you to take some lessons!!! My friend Aaron who plays guitar, nearly burst into hysterical tears watching Hrithik not-even-pretend-to-play guitar during a song in K3G. Likewise, Mohabbatein made me want to burn something down because I played violin for years and could offer Sharukh Khan a few lessons on how to fake it. I couldn’t finish the movie because of it.
• Black people are NOT the only ones who roll their necks. Okay, maybe the Indian version of this could better be described as a head bob, but it still makes me laugh. It’s that little movement used for emphasis when saying something cute like, “I don’t think so auntie!” This is probably not a source of amusement to everyone but the first time I saw it I was like, “No, she didn’t!” The cool thing is, if you’re Indian, even a guy can pull off this move and still be hot.

That’s all. If I think of any others, I'll let you know.

Note: I have decided to no longer dialogue about Hrithik's thumbs. Enough is enough. He will always be my Bollywood boyfriend numero uno and when he gets the extra thumb removed, we can get married. I know. I know. He’s already married. But you know how movie stars are, those relationships never last…