Jodhaa-Akbar (2008)

Two kingdoms unite
Sharafuddin will not die
How can love bring peace?

Jodhaa Akbar is a lovely movie. After being chastised by a few readers for so negligently allowing a full three months to pass without chasing down my BwBF's latest movie, I hustled on down to a new market to pick it up. (Dude only charges $2 and you can keep the film a week!)

Unfortunately, watching J-A allowed me to realize just how ridiculously shallow my tastes have become inasmuch as Hrithik is concerned. Sitting through 2+ hours of him looking stately without a single dance move was more than I can bear! *No booty shaking? None?!* I mean, I know he was supposed to be the Emperor and all but couldn't he do a little somethin' somethin'.....for the Queen? *sigh*

Additionally, the circumstances of my viewing were less than optional. I had gotten some girls together for another "Bollywood Night" and had planned for us to watch Bunty aur Babli. Then, at the last moment I thought Om Shanti Om might be better since I still haven't seen it yet. When it wasn't available I added on Jodhaa-Akbar instead. Foolishly, I let the newbies pick which film they'd rather watch based on the dvd covers. Wowed by the intricate costumes and a "princess story," they chose the historical drama.

After the bazillionth nobleman was introduced and the gazillionth hint of betrayal was shown, a few people's eyes started to glaze over. I've obviously seen a fair share of Indian films but I only have a fuzzy idea of Indian geography and the people groups in each state. I kind of get the religious conflicts presented but most of the other girls didn't. It was definitely not a good "first film."

Then there was Sharafuddin. I'm not the first blogger---and I certainly won't be the last---to comment on crappy subtitles but golly gee whittakers this was the worst I've seen in a while and THE worst film to have bad subtitles on. J-A has a cornucopia of peripheral characters and they don't have nice modern names like Pooja, Raj or Ali. The point being that Sharafuddin was a central character to the plot and due to craptacular subtitles, EVERYONE had gotten it into their heads that he was killed in the first half of the movie only to discover he was quite alive and preparing a large, sinister coup d'etat right around the time Akbar finally 'gets some' from Jodhaa---also a major plot element, but far easier to follow. ;)

Still, for all my complaints, the cinematography was flawless. The production values were INSANE. (I heard there were 1,000 extras for one of the songs and it sure as heck looked like it.) Doing a film with that level of opulence in the US hasn't been feasible for years. The costumes were designed by the fabulous Neeta Lula (Devdas). And of course, the director scored two of the most beautiful actors in the universe.

Bottom line, the film is good...heck, it's great. It just requires your full attention.

7,680 men: or Why I am still single...Pt. 2

The baggage mentioned in part 1 is in addition to the fact that I couldn't possibly marry a man who doesn't share my worldview, one based on Christian faith and a passion for intellectual inquiry. I've been wanting to calculate the numbers on this one and stumbling onto this page inspired me to finally do it.

2006 US census numbers indicate approximately 233,039,000 folks in the US of which slightly less than half are male--113,073,000. [ref] Of those, only 30,129,000 are between the ages of 25 and 39. Because I rob neither cradles nor graves, they are the only ones that matter.

It is estimated that 40% of Americans are Christians and of those, about 8% hold similar beliefs as my own. [ref] (I gave up my Christianity to follow Christ.) Accounting for beliefs leaves a solid 2,410,320 and we're only half way through. The general trend is that 51% of men 25-40 are married BUT Christians run about 10 percentage points higher on the marriage stats [ref] so actually, I'm looking at something like 61% married. I'm just under a million. (988,231 to be exact.)

[Side note: It is to my own detriment that I live in Tennessee, one of the most marryingest states in The Union [ref] a state where only 27.3% of men have never been married. Which is a generous calculation considering they included 15-, 16-, and 17-year-old jailbait.]

I know, I know. You're probably thinking, So what! That's still almost a million guys! True. I'll even leave in all the guys who are "separated"--cause you know, it was totally their ex's fault--and the 2-3% who are living closeted gay lives. I'm feeling generous.

All things being equal, of that infinitesimal sliver, 12.3% will be black. [ref] Of them, 8% will "marry out" and 2% of the others (who are probably Latino), 0.2% of Asians and 0.2% of the white boys will convert to the dark side. Net loss: 9,724. Net gain: 4,544. *Such is life.* That leaves me with just 11.77% of the previously selected men--a grand total of 116,372 fellas somewhere in the United States.

In addition to all this, I have the nerve, the gall even, to want to marry a guy who's smart. Ok, ok, and not fat.
And has straight teeth.
And doesn't smell.
(A girl's gotta dream!)
Assuming "smarts" are on a Gaussian distribution, I've just cut my chances by 90%. I said 90% people! *cue gasps of horror*

That's only 11,637 potentially compatible men spread across 50 states and 3,794,083 square miles [ref] ...and 1 in 3 is probably dating someone...make that 7,680 men. You do realize that's just one eligible bachelor for every 494 square miles? ...some of whom are very unattractive?!

I probably should be worried but I feel a bit liberated. I was beginning to think I should "try harder" but really, trying to root out 0.006792% of the male population is a task suitable only for His Infinite Majesty. Jesus take the wheel...

Still, the next person who asks, "Why aren't you dating anyone?" is getting a printed copy of this essay and a pop quiz.

Abhimaan (1973): and why I am still single

Man jealous of wife
Love withheld becomes sorrow
How can songs be sung?

Wow. This 70's throwback classic really dampened my spirits in as far as relationships go. Abhimaan is the story of a fabulously talented woman who is wooed heartily by a slightly less talented man who, after marriage, encourages her to shine...until she begins to outshine him. *grrr*

In general, I steer clear of flicks like this because I prefer to maintain rosy images of the other gender lest I dissolve into a pile of man-hating feminizing. I'm sure most women don't have such easily disturbed notions of menkind but to my own ridiculously-single-for-OMG-3-years-now detriment, I do. Seeing behavior like this reinforces the idea that men are petty, immature, and threatened by successful women.

Oh yeah, back to the movie, this is the only film in which I actually recall seing Jaya as a young woman. (I didn't know who she was when I saw Sholay.) She's so cute and "simple" in this film. I can see why she was very popular. In the defense of menkind, BigB's BFF was a source of reason throughout the film. He chastized BigB for kicking it at another woman's house and later inisted that he reconcile with his wife. The movie is interesting but not particularly challenging. It's amusing to watch the real life couple on screen in their youth though.

Soooo, what does this have to do with my life with two dogs rather than a boyfriend? This film strengthened my resolve to be single rather than annoyed. Unfortunately, I'm easily annoyed and clearly, all the more easily single. The thought of having to go pick up my drunk husband from another woman's house at midnight does not inspire the classy sort of resilience Jaya's character displayed in Abhimaan. It inspires thoughts of a BEAT DOWN.

To be continued...

Hollywood baby!

Sooooo, I haven't posted in a while because I'm working all kindsa hustles to get some stuff in gear in the next few months, one of which is spending some time in LaLa Land, otherwise known as, LA--Los Angeles, California.

I got accepted to the Act One summer writing program which is really cool. They only take about 24 writers or so each year. Not only does that make me feel special :) but more importantly, it means I'll have very good access to the instructors and over the course of four weeks of 8-hour days, really get a chance to know and build relationships with the other writers.

In other acts of random impetuousness, I sent some info to a recruiter for English teachers in Korea and they'll be sending my 411 to the Seoul Metro School System within the next two weeks. For a while, I worried not only about the safety of my little dog but whether or not my Bollywood habit would be wrenched from my grasp while staying on East Asian soil.

Fortunately, my fears have been laid to rest. Well, not about the dog thing but by the fact that Seoul has a 300-member Bollywood club led by a fellow calling himself Hangulo. Considering the strength of Korea's indigenous media industry, that's saying a lot. It makes me smile.

Almost as much as the thought of being at Santa Monica beach during summer. Almost.

[Up next, Abhimaan (1973) & Why I am still single.]

The City of God

Just the other day I finally watched the 2002 Academy Award nominated City of God. I knew the film was about street kids in Brazil, had good cinematography, and is supposedly a "must see film" but little else. I pondered the title, recognizing it as a reference to one of Augustine's treatises on the Christian faith.

Through watching the film, I discovered that the title was the name of the favela in which the story takes place, a neighborhood completely overridden with poverty, violence, and general lawlessness, a neighborhood described in the film as "living in hell."

Anytime I watch something like this, I am reconfronted by the existence of evil. In an academic sense, there is never any doubt in my mind that evil exists yet fortunately in my daily life, there are few occasions when I am acutely aware of it. Times when awareness is unavoidable, have confirmed my deep weariness with the relativistic thought that permeates public discourse in the West.

Watching City of God also reminded me of the great evil lurking beneath the seeming good of self-preservation. Those who seek for themselves by any means necessary are bound to lose their souls in the process despite the suggestion that if they're fit enough to survive, all is well.

During day two of my viewing, (it was too much for one sitting), I was reminded of something Jesus said:

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. [ref]

Theft-death-destruction is one of the clearest perpetual cycles of evil. The undercurrent of destruction in this film was really unsettling for me. Beyond "simple" murder, there was destruction of property, beating, maiming, rape and humiliation. The repetitively wanton killing reminded me of this:

So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. [ref]

The thief Jesus is speaking of is the ultimate enemy of mankind--Satan, the master purveyor of evil. The grand narrative of creation and the Revelation of John both reference the great enmity between Satan and God's creation. Every life taken from the earth is one less reflection of God's image. It is ironic then that the "City of God" in this film is one where the image of God is ruthlessly and continually stamped out.

One can only wonder what the officials of Rio de Janeiro were thinking when they relocated their city slums and dubbed them "City of God." Perhaps they were hoping the name might procure blessings from the Psalms:

Great is the LORD, and most worthy of praise,
in the city of our God, his holy mountain

It is beautiful in its loftiness,
the joy of the whole earth...

God is in her citadels;
he has shown himself to be her fortress...

As we have heard,
so have we seen
in the city of the LORD Almighty,
in the city of our God:
God makes her secure forever.
Selah [ref]

May it be so.

Now this is interesting.

Judge admits mistake in kicking whites out of court

What I can't gather from the story is whether or not the judge asked "the lawyers" to step outside of the courtroom--by the way the story is framed, it sounds like all of them were white--though after listening to the interview with Anderson Cooper, it seems like he said, "White people leave," (or something to that extent).

Um, did he really think a group of lawyers was gonna let that go? I get the feeling though he didn't care one way or the other. (What's up with judges thinking they're the shiznit anyways?)

I understand why he did what he did. (Say what you will, but being poor and black in Georgia is not the same as being poor and white.) At the same time, it wasn't good practice. In the end, I guess he got his point across...all across America. *sigh*

[The video is here if you want to watch it.]

Happy Monday!

If like me, you hardly ever turn on your TV, you might have missed this back in '06. Even if you didn't, you know you want to watch it again.

Please, remove all food and other foreign particles from your mouth and nostrils before pressing play. Thank you.

You decide.

I got a frantic email from a friend yesterday claiming she had seen Hrithik in a commercial on TV here in the US. (No, it's wasn't Bollywood-on-Demand.) Thanks to the wonders of the internet, she was able to procure the promo from YouTube which I've posted below for your viewing pleasure.

As for the decision part, Has my boyfriend been darkened in the reggae scene or is that just a really nasty shadow? Just taking a friendly poll. You know how much I like blackface!

At any rate, Hrithik looks as delicious as always. He's working the Latin flavor pretty well. Which is marvelous considering his next costar is Mexican telenova star Barbara Mori. It has been said that Sonam Kapoor turned down a chance to star opposite Boyfriend #1 because the role in the film was "too bold". (Sounds another lawsuit opportunity...)

There's very little info about the film online as of yet--the working title is "Kites", Papa Roshan is involved though not directing--but gathering from the tidbits on Barbara's wikipedia profile, it has been suggested that filming will begin in late July with locations include New Mexico, Las Vegas, and Los Angeles.

There is a reasonable chance that I'll be in Los Angeles in July and August. (more on that later) If I see Hrithik in LA, I will pass out...which wouldn't be a bad thing. If I don't pass out, I will inevitably become a bumbling mess of too many words and not enough sense sentences. He will inevitably extend his hand in greeting and I will stare too long. It all goes downhill from there...

One more reason why...

...I *heart* Huckabee.

I know he's not running for President anymore and real Republicans don't tolerate unpretentious rooting for the common man (or eating popcorn-popper fried squirrel for that matter), but he seems like a nice fellow and this little TV moment proves he actually has some sense as well.

Speaking yesterday on MSNBC's Morning Joe program, Huckabee said that statements made by Senator Barack Obama’s former pastor were unacceptable but understandable...Huckabee, who grew up in the segregated South, added that if he had experienced the kind of discrimination African Americans have in American history, he would probably have become bitter. [via]

Here's the video if you care to watch.

Chak De India (2007)

[I was so amped when I finished the film I forgot to write a haiku! The review is now properly introduced...]

Coach wants one team, ek!
Girls learn to "play well with others."
Soon, the fight is on.

I loved this flick! I’m loving the “We play for one country” theme. A team is a team. This is Shahrukh Khan in all his glory. I’m definitely feeling the goatee…and the obligatory rain scene. (Has Shahrukh ever been in a film where he didn’t get doused with water?)


On to other things, if I was Punjabi, I’d be salty about how snarly the Punjabi girl looked. Even so, I’m still mad about her unibrow. I mean, I guess they were going for absolute realism on that one but they coulda gave her some kinda touch up! Where were the stylists? Makeup?!


Sports films are notoriously predictable and this one is no exception. The first half has some nice character development and the second half is, well, sports. Except for that little private moment with Bindiya and coach in the restroom, but I digress. (Was that good acting or was the actress really making our man SRK nervous?)


Also, I guess it wouldn't be me writing the review if I didn't mention the fact that it was really cool that several of the girls were supposed to be from remote rural areas...jungles even(!) and that some of them actually looked different. My favorite line was the bit about being treated like a foreigner in your own country. Word. Maybe, someday in the near future, in a mainstream fillum, one of those foreign or "jungle" girls will actually get to have a backstory. Here's for hopin'.

On a unifying note, that moment at McDonald’s had to be the best fight scene I’ve watched in a good long while. Not because the action was so stellar but because it was vicariously satisfying. Who hasn’t wanted to beat the crap out of obnoxious catcalling boys at the mall? *two tight slaps* Girl power!

Watch the film.
Go.
Rent it immediately.